But I'm FineI don’t like it… I don’t like it… I DON’T like it… I tell myself this over and over and over again. Slowly I start to sink further and further into this feeling. I feel lonely. Rejected. And yet I have friends that are there for me. And yet, while I appreciate those friends… there is always at least one that isn’t there… and that “at least one” is the one that I want attention from the most. But I won’t get it. At least… not the way I want it. I have to tell myself that they have lives too. That they are busy. That they have more important things to do than to entertain me and to keep me happy. I have to tell myself to support them when they need me, even though I’m too much of a coward to ask them to support me when I need them.
This is obsession, isn’t it? I don’t like it… But I need it. I need it like a body needs air to breathe and to keep on living. This “obsession